The use of the toilet is a subject on which little else is written, although it serves for exercising one of our most important body functions. In Thailand much is different than in Europe, this includes the toilets and how to use them, at least up country. In the hotels, restaurants and some public places, however, the European standard is accepted. Speaking about European standard, I must make a reservation at least for the equipment of the toilets, because 60 years ago, when I came first time to France, a squat toilet with no seat, was also generally the standard there.

 

But normally in almost all hotels, restaurants and even in larger department stores in Thailand, one can find today toilet with seats similar to ours. In general, to clearly mark the toilets there are signs with the same symbols as in Europe. For us Farang it is hard to understand why the Thais and other Asian countries still use the so-called squat toilet. But for most Thais it is just as incomprehensible, why the western toilet with seats should be more progressive. They are often afraid to sit down on them, because other people already have used the seat before, and climb with their feet onto the seat, in order to perform their business as usual by squatting. One should therefore not be surprised to discover footprints on the toilet seat.

 

But whether one likes it or not, and whatever ones opinion is, each Farang when travelling in the country, or visiting the parents of his girlfriend in Isaan certainly often needs to use squat toilet Thai stile. To the usual cleaning after business performed with a scoop of water one will quickly be used, and because of the friendliness of this system for hemorrhoids, may even miss it on when returning to the homeland. It is more difficult with the squatting. As the name suggests, when using a squat toilet one must squat down.

 

But unlike the Thais, where a child is accustomed to squatting down, because there are no chairs in the house, it is for the Farang, especially in advanced age, difficult to stay in this position long enough time to finish our business. Also, there is a danger to slip on the wet floor, or simply to lose the balance. A further difficulty arises for the inexperienced Farang from the fact that he must meet exactly the hole in the ground if he does not wants to spend an hour cleaning the toilet area

 

If Buddha has mercy, a hook in the wall exists. One can then take of the trousers, and do the business without performing acrobatic contortions. If this amenity is missing, it is important for the trousers to strip them down as far as possible. When not stripping down the trousers far enough, one will quickly notice, that Newton's law applies also for open pants. It is also to recommend, emptying the trouser pockets, because a subsequent search of the motorcycle key or wallet in the outlet is rather unpleasant and will not always be successful.

 

In general, there is no paper at the squat toilet Thai stile, the paper roll used in our countries to clean oneself, can be found in most smaller restaurants as a substitute for napkins on the dining table. For cleaning ones backside, there is a pool of water with a ladle. With a bit of skill and practice it will not be a problem, to do the cleaning by pouring clean water on the left hand. To hold during the intense cleaning in the right hand the water trowel, and to carry out with the left hand the cleaning, while at the same time holding up the shirt or skirt high enough to keep them dry, one needs however three hands, possibly even four, if one has to support oneself against the wall.

 

For us this unusual nature of cleaning is not antiquated, but normal custom in many cultures, and certainly not more unhygienic as the use of toilet paper. For someone suffering with hemorrhoids, this kind of cleaning may be even nicer, especially when the day before one has been seduced to try the spicy Isaan-food Somtam (from the Farang also called pappaya-pok-pok). The cooling water is a balm for the burning rear part.

 

One problem for the Farang after such a treatment is to dry his backside. Even in the hot tropics it is not pleasant to walk about with wet underpants. But this is not a problem when, as it is custom in this country, not only women but also men are walking around in sarongs. The Farang however, should not forget to leave his hotel with a sufficient pack of paper handkerchiefs or an extra handkerchief for this purpose.