The Isaan, as the northeast of Thailand is called, is not blessed with material goods. The poor soil and the long dry months will permit only one rice harvest per year and this only, if the rain fall during the rainy season is enough to enable the rice to grow and ripen. Also the country has to offer little natural beauty. Perhaps therefore, to compensate all these shortcomings, our dear God has blessed the country with particularly pretty girls. The consequence of the natural poverty and the surplus of pretty young girls is that the personnel in the many hundred bars of Bangkok, Pattaya and Phuket are recruited almost exclusively from the Isaan. The Farang, loosing his heart there to a pretty bar girl, and staying perhaps for the whole length of his holiday with her, will probably live happily with a girl coming from Isaan.

 

In the following remarks, a few tips should be given, in order to ensure an enjoyable time with a young lady for the love-seeking Farang. This may save him some annoyances and disappointments, coming from the girl, who now does not only share the bed with him at night, but also lives with him during the day. 

 

He must try to understand first of all, in which social and cultural surrounding the girl has grown up. She is coming from a small village, where she did not grow up hungry, because everyone is cultivating rice, and a few fish from the pools and rivers, also field rats - the only huntable game – will provide the necessary supplements, but cash money has always been in short supply. She has gone to the village school for 4 years, often barefoot, because there was no money for shoes, and where she did not learn very much in a class with 50 children.

 

Nevertheless, in order to earn a little money, she must labor in the glowing heat for 100 Baht a day, planting sugar cane or cutting rice, or if she is lucky, work for about he same money in a factory. Then one day she will meet a friend, working in a bar in Pattaya, and coming home for a few days, for the consecration of her brother going to be monk, or for a wedding, or may be a funeral ceremony. This girl will proudly present her gold chains and beautiful dresses, and will tell her, how easily it is to earn with little difficulty a lot more money than she can earn at home, working all day long in the fields. So she will decide to go with her friend to Pattaya, and to make also much money working at a bar.

 

The family not only agrees with her decision to go with her friend to work in a bar, but will be happy, because she now will send home part of the money, and contribute thus to the maintenance of the family. The fact, that the dear child in order to earn money like her friend must open her legs broadly for each Farang coming along, is clear for the family, but is simply suppressed. We Europeans find it particularly strange - who of us would send his daughter in prostitution to make money for the family? Why this does not affect the family at home, has not yet become clear for me even after many years in the Isaan. But this it how it is and the Farang should not worry about it, but should rather accept it as the normal way of live in Isaan. There may very well be other things that appear strange to the Farang, but even this naturally friendly people will react angry, if they are continuously corrected, or if someone tells them, that certain of their customs are ridiculous, immoral, or even horrible. 

 

Now this girl, completely unacquainted with the European culture, comes to a bar and sees the Farang spending for one drink as much money, as she has earned at home after a full day of hard work. She has thus immediately the impression that the Farang are swimming in money. She is still a very shy girl however, but if she has too much problems to overcome her natural shyness, the other girls at the bar and the Mamasan with cajole her into going to the hotel with her first Farang. If however this threshold is once overcome, then she no longer has any moral qualms about selling her body, or better said to lease it. 

 

But even after she has been with many Farang, she still has a natural sense of shame. The Farang recognizes it easily by the fact, that even a girl, who dances in a Go-Go-Bar half or even completely naked in public, once alone with a Farang in his hotel room, will hide her pretty body under a bath-towel when coming out from the bathroom, and will put out the lights, before going to business.

 

The other girls at the bar, having for many years in this job, do not only teach to her the few phrases of English she needs for the business (what is your name, where you come from, I can go with you, etc.), but also teach her, how to get as much money as she can from her Farang, and how to do it most skillfully. She learns very fast, and the longer she is in this business, the better she will succeed to siphon off money from the Farang, because this is the reason why she has come here.

 

For the girl, the Farang falling in love with her is principally a customer, like all the other ones before, to whom she has given her favor. She will use more unconsciously her pretty exterior and the cuddly kind of the Isaan girls, perhaps the Farang is also a nice guy and she has fun, but she never forgets her actual intention, to draw as much as possible from him. These are primarily cash and gold chains, or if the Farang is very openhanded, and has fallen terribly in love, also a Motorbike.  If the cash flow becomes slower, or comes to an end, than there are other ways for her to try to get money from her Farang, ways that are likewise taught to her by her friends at the bar - standard ways to try to get funds. She will tell him that her mother is suddenly very sick, and is in urgent need for surgery, her father had an accident, or the only buffalo of the family, needed for plowing the fields, has fallen dead, all this in order the arouse the compassion of the Farang, and to open his wallet. What however does not count at all to her, is when the Farang takes her into an expensive restaurant, and treats her with lobster or other delicate and expensive meals. She would rather eat her national dish Som Tam for 20 Baht the portion, and get cash from him.

 

The Farang must thus understand from the beginning, that the mutual feelings and motives are on two completely different levels.  He has simply fallen in love with the girl, and particularly enjoys the companionship of a nice girl and most of all to have sex with her.

 

For her however, the whole relationship is first of all business. Off course she will rather stay together with a nice chap, who treats her delicately, than with a bloke, for whom she is only a sexual object.  But over all the other pleasant things, which the Farang has to offer, she will never lose sight of here principal goal, to earn money. If they are together for a while and he asks her, if she really loves him, than if she is honest, she may answer "why shouldn’t I love you, you give me money”.

 

A Thai-girl, working in a bar, sells her body, but not her heart. That does not mean however, that she cannot be terribly jealous and even fight for her prey with an other girl. This is not because she is afraid to loose her loved one, but to loose her big spender, and also the fear to lose face, if her friends see that her Farang walked out on her.

 

After a few weeks the first chapter is finished, and the man must go home. The girl will perhaps be sad on the first day of his departure, perhaps also a few genuine tears will pour out of her beautiful eyes, because now the nice guy has gone, and with him the easy money, so she must again sit in the bar, trying to catch a new customer. The Farang flies home again, where he will dream every night of his love in Thailand, writing letters or E-Mails, or spending a fortune on phone calls to Thailand.

 

It will in any case not break her heart. The faster she finds a replacement, perhaps already the next day, the faster she will forget about him, Nevertheless, in many cases the girl is interested to stay in contact, so that the money source will not run dry. For this the well known messages appealing to the compassion of the man will help: mother in hospital, kid must undergo surgery e.t.a.

 

If then the Farang comes back again for vacation after some months, or after one year, she will gladly be waiting for him, provided he announces his arrival before, and she is not in other firm hands. Now the old game begins again, this time however with the second chapter. The Farang has yearned for months for his darling, and now, received with open arms, he wants a firmer engagement. Condition for a firm relationship is of course, that his darling works no longer in the bar, flirting and sleeping with other Farang Men. She will readily accept this demand, if he will send her regular support money. He promises thus to transfer every month a sufficient amount for her living costs, and she promises to stop working at the bar, and to stay home with her family in her village. Or he takes her with him to Europe, either for a three-month stay or in order to marry her.  He must however accept the following necessary steps: 

 

Step 1. Visit of her parents

He drives first some hours with his girl-friend to Bangkok and from there 10 hours with a long-distance bus to, Roi Et, Surin or Udon. If the home of the girl lies near an airport, one may possibly also go by plane. From the bus station or the airport, they will take a taxi to the home village of the girl. Often the entire family will meet them with a chartered Pickup at the station, 

 

Arriving in the village after a voyage of 15 or more hours, he is cordially accepted by the entire family and the neighbors (usually also all family). Now the daughter has not only earned money in Phuket, but she has also succeeded, to drag a real big spender into their village. Usually they will take for granted, that the Farang, who undertook the strain of the long journey, and the inconvenience of staying in a Thai- hut, has the intention to remain in the future with her daughter, or to marry her. For him it is a nice and interesting trip up country, for the family however, he will be treated like the future husband of her daughter.

 

That again means after Thai-conception, that he gives a considerable sum of money to the parents. The Farang must know, that today it is still Thai-custom, to buy the bride from her parents, in order to compensate them for many years of trouble to bring up the child. Sometimes, after purchasing his new wife from her parents, the Farang sees the poverty of the family, gets a softened heart, and opens his wallet. Possibly he will buy a little tractor to plow the fields, or will repay a due mortgage to the bank. Also the construction of a house for the daughter is usually discussed, eventually even a piece of land bought for this purpose.

 

How long the Farang will endure the moderate housing and poor hygienic conditions of a Thai village depends on his constitution. Apart from exceptions, one week might be the pain threshold. This among other things also, because the Farang will be bored to death, because he will drink every day with the family and the neighbors, but he can chat with nobody except his girl-friend, because nobody speaks English. But eventually the girl also will be glad after a few days to go back to Phuket, because the village life is not more to her taste at all, and above all if she must take the Farang around all day long, explaining everything to him, instead sitting with her friends and have a nice chat lasting for hours.

 

Step 2. Back in Phuket or Pattaya again, the game continues as before, only that for the Farang the connection has become still closer now, with all the financial consequences. The next chapter will begin soon. The girl promises the Farang, who of course would not like that his girl continues to sleep with other men, to stop completely with the immoral life, and wait in her village for his return to Thailand. Perhaps also, she will promise to wait in Phuket or Pattaya for him, but will stop immediately working on a bar, and going with Farang. He promises in return, to pay for the costs of a room, and for the costs of English-lessons, so that they can communicate better, when he comes next time to see her in Thailand.  His girl-friend promises to give up her in his eyes immoral life, and to stay in her room, leaving it only for the daily English-lessons, necessary to be able to understand each other better, when he comes back to Thailand. The Farang promises therefore to pay in the future for all her expenses, that is for her costs of living and for the funds she has to send for her parents and her kids, because one will hardly meet a girl at a bar, who does not have one or more children, living with her family.

 

But the girl does not even think to go back into her village, or to stay all day long in her room. With the Farang gone away, she will work as before at the bar, and live with 10 friends in the accommodation provided free by the owner of the bar. Only English instruction is still guaranteed, but with a teacher changing on average every two weeks, when going home to his country, not only giving free lessons to her during the time she has been with him day and night, but even paying money for it.

 

The letters, which the Farang sends to her home address, believing that his darling is now waiting there for him, are transported by a friend to Phuket or Pattaya and answered from there. The fact however, that she is able to write an understandable English-letter, should  already bee an indication for the Farang, that she did not leave her job at the bar, because she does not know enough English, and would hardly find somebody in her village, capable to write such a letter. 

 

I have even had a girl in Phuket, coming to me with 5 letters from 5 different Farang, and asking me to translate them for her, and to write an answer to each letter. From the contents of the letters one could see clearly, that she was on the pay roll of all these men, who were thinking of her as their true love. And when I her asked the girl, what I should write in reply, she said „Papa, write what you think the Farang would like to hear from me. You know better than me what belongs in this letter". Whereby it remained only for me to ask her, whether her father had recently an accident, or the mother should undergo surgery, as reason for an additional money transfer. All this naturally requires a good organization capability; in order to prevent that two visits of boy-friends will overlap.  

 

Such stories happen everyday, and one cannot be in Phuket more than a few days, without meeting a guy, his face sunk with disappointment, because he came to Thailand full of desire and pleasant anticipation, only to find his darling firmly in the hands of another Farang.  Such a juggling with different men requires also an appropriate number of different bankbooks, so that the Farang, when controlling his money transfers, does find transfers not coming from him. 

 

Step 3.  He does not leave his darling behind in Thailand, but takes her for a visit to Europe, in order to live there together with her, and/or to marry her. It would be wise anyway, to bring her over first for a visit, so that the future bride can see whether she can live at all in the homeland of her fiancée. If she enjoys her first visit, and if it really comes to a marriage, then the Farang must fully understand, that who marries a Thai woman, inevitably marries the whole family with her. Thus are not only the existing children, but also father and mother, as well as younger and older brothers, the sisters usually can provide for themselves.  His wife will feel be duty bound to send a regular amount of money to her family in Thailand. Probably the most frequent reason for problems in Thai-Farang marriages arrives from the fact, that the husband has no understanding for her sense of responsibility to her family, to help them financially.  He has, when visiting her parents and asked their permission to marry their daughter, already spent a considerable sum of money, and does now not accept that he should be still under any financial obligation to the family.

 

In summary thus the following pieces of advice. You must first try to understand, that Thais, apart from their many lovable qualities for which we all came to the country of smile, have surely also some less unlovable character qualities. One should however not commit the error to think, that the behavior of the girls working at the bars, is a typical form of Thai behavior. It is the result of keeping daily company with tourists, also often not behaving according to western standards of conduct.

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The girls here are behaving much differently vis-à-vis the Farang, than they have learned and were used to behave at home. They feel transferred into a new world, in which completely different standards of behavior apply, trying as well as possible to adapt, and to strike as much profit from this. It may be said further, that these behavior standards dropped very strongly in the tourist resorts in the last years, becoming even more aggressive. The blame lies not at least with the Farang coming to Thailand on holiday, forgetting to behave in a civilized manner, and being far from their homeland, conduct themselves more like wild pigs.

 

If you fall in love with an Isaan-lady, take her as she is, and try to enjoy her company as much as possible. If the Farang is tempted, to judge the general behavior of the bar girls with our western moral standards, or even to condemn them, he would better have remained at home. 

 

Be careful with falling in love. You should never forget the fact, that for the girl you are an ATM on legs and not the love of her live. If that is difficult for you to understand, then stand in front of a mirror next to your girl-friend, and try not to fool yourself. If however you believe that you can create a serious and durable relationship, it can only succeed, if both partners make a serious effort to find the balance necessary to overcome the often completely different ethical standards of Thais and Farang. You must generally understand the Thai way of life, or at least try to tolerate some strange behavior of your girlfriend, due to her origin and education. In addition, you should not be too closefisted, but should however open your wallet only so far, that it does not lead to create financial problems for you.  In addition you must know the family before getting married, because you have to get along with them, whether you like it or not. The stupidest thing a Farang can do, is to fall in love with a bar lady and marry her, without knowing her family and without having spent at least a few days with her in her village.