It is difficult to define what is meant by LOVE because everybody will have his own understanding, according to his mentality, but it also depends on the circumstances and the cultural circle in which one has grown up. This is particularly important when the partners origin from such diverse cultures as a Farang and a Thai.

 

The cultural differences between Thais and Farang are so great, that love is not enough to permanently bridge this abyss. Love and sexual attraction will blunt sooner or later and if nothing else exist, especially mutual trust and a sense of belonging together, but also the understanding that the partner has completely different patterns of reason and values, the dilemma is inevitable. Surely the Farang are wrong, who try to transfer their own moral ideas and dreams on their Thai partner, believing that our western standards of behavior would be valid for everybody. It would really be naive to believe, that the Thai woman, just because she has married a Farang will now also think like him.

                       

Let’s look for the raison, and with what expectations, a Farang wants to have a relationship with a Thai girl? It can not only be the fact, that the girl is satisfying his sexual needs. There must be something else than sex, what makes the Farang fall in love with a woman, which he has took from a bar and paid for sex. The mere fact that Thai women look different than Farang women is certainly one of the motives for the Farang to stay with a Thai.  But he must be aware that the difference is not just superficial, but concerns even more the internal state of mind.

 

One reason for many misunderstandings is that usually the man invests much more emotion in the relationship then the woman. It is certainly a fact, that in most cases, a Thai wants to stay with a Farang, with the hope of getting a better life. Many are also very disappointed with Thai men, that they try a Farang with the hope to never have to endure macho-like behavior any more. Especially relations between young Thai girls and much older Farang men are usually relationships of convenience, even if the men will not acknowledge this, in order to spare their ego The girl gives the man her affection, her body and all the services of a wife, so that her husband will give her a secure life and also pays some maintenance to her family. If both partners are aware of this, there is nothing wrong with such a relationship. And if both sides treated each other with respect - in the course of time certain affection will develop.

 

With many of the Farang, having found their Thai partner in Pattaya or Phuket, one has the impression that they consider the women as a commodity, which they bought and which is now their personal property. They may look upon their wife as a housekeeper, with whom the man will now and then have sex. But a woman is by no means an investment, such as a car or a plot, but a partner. One cannot invest in a women like in physical assets such as houses or land, and it would be very naive to expect, that now only because of the money one has invested, a return of his investment, called love, will come back.

           

In her homeland, and under the living conditions there, such a girl has no problems to cope with all of lives situations, and shows amazing ingenuity and intelligence, especially when it comes to matters concerning money. But catapulted into a Farang country, she will experience a great feeling of helplessness when meeting unfamiliar people, and with situations that are unknown to her. That goes from the use of toilet paper, to eating the food with knife and fork, and not at least to the expectation of the Farang that pledges and promises are to be followed. Having problems with understanding western values and how the people there think, and how to adapt her to it. She cannot easily abandon her Thai thinking.

 

The girl has grown up with the traditions and moral ideas of her family and surroundings, and cannot easily abandon them. Parents and the school system have permanently drummed into her head to take care for her parents and siblings whether the man now likes it or not is totally irrelevant. If the man tries to neglect these financial obligations to the family of his Thai wife, he creates a serious conflict of conscience for his wife.

           

Nearly every man being with a Thai woman, will sometimes have had the impression of a certain feeling of coldness in his wife, and asked himself whether she really loves him. But he should understand that Thais have much more shy to show a sign of affection, like a hug, or a kiss. Especially in the presence of other people, the women - even if she is married – have inhibitions with showing a loving gesture to her husband. When sometimes I wonder, why my wife is so thrifty to show her love, then she says "I love you inside". This is perhaps the simplest explanation for what we Farang usually understand as a lack of affection.

 

Most Farang will have made the experience that a Thai woman has inhibitions with showing herself naked in front of a man, even if it is her husband. The Farang always shakes his head when he sees how his wife not only goes into the bath with a towel wrapped around her body, but also when coming out of the shower, makes acrobatic contortions while putting on her bra and knickers under the towel

 

When one sees, how the girls and women, coming from Bangkok to Pattaya or Jongtiem Beach for the weekend, will go into the water completely dressed, one wonders first, whether they have no money for a bikini, but then looking at the car they came in from Bangkok, will quickly change ones mind. They are simply to shy, to present themselves in a bikini in front of strange men.

           

There remains the question for the Farang, how the complete lack of any sense of shame, not only of the Go-go girls dancing stark naked on stage, but also for the most Bargirls is to explain. I find no other explanation than what my wife has responded to me when I have asked this question.

                                   

“But the girls are working. They certainly do not like it, but they get money for it. "

 

And in order to make money, the pragmatic nature of the Thais seems to allow them to put aside all moral inhibitions, at least temporarily.